I don’t usually write about personal stuff, but found this material to be quite interesting and decided to re-post here. So here it goes…
One of the best foundations for a healthy and happy relationship (and sex life) is having a strong bond. Because if you think about it, being with someone who is willing to watch a “Twilight” marathon with you on a rainy Saturday is just as crucial as being with someone who you want to have sex with during all the boring parts.
And the experts agree. “If you meet someone and have chemistry right away but don’t build a friendship, that passion will run out because there’s nothing to support it,” says relationship expert Jane Greer Ph.D., author of “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.”
But what if the situation is reversed? Can dating a guy or girl you’re already buds with be a good idea? Well, that depends on the friend. Starting a relationship with someone you already trust, have things in common with, and care about can create a solid bond for the long haul, but there needs to be an attraction there as well. On the other hand, your super-hot friend may not be the best person for the long-term if they have a long streak of sleeping with girls and never calling them again. So how can you tell if you should explore something more with a pal? Here are seven things to consider:
They binge-watched “Orange is the New Black” with you when you got the flu on Cinco De Mayo. Missing a tequila and taco-fueled celebration to hang with you while you’re out for the count definitely goes beyond the call of friendship duty. If they’re often making the effort (and the sacrifices) to be there for you when you really need them, it shows a protective and nurturing side that may mean they’re interested in something more, says Greer.
His family loves you (and the feeling is mutual). If it’s no surprise to get an invite to his family’s summer reunion, this guy might be a keeper. “When you’re dating someone, how you get along with their family is so important because they’re always going to be there,” says relationship expert Wendy Walsh Ph.D., author of “The 30-Day Love Detox.” The same is true for your family–if they never stop asking about what your buddy is up to, it’s fair to say they already approve. And as much as you hate to admit it, your family can sometimes see what’s best for you even before you can.
You’re both totally obsessed with your savings accounts. Regardless of how much money either of you actually have in the bank, having similar values on savings, spending, family, and other lifestyle goals is so important, says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D. and author of “Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.” These are the top things that break people up, she says, which is why a solid friendship can sometimes be the best precursor to love–you already have that foundation of similarities and shared values.
You let him dog sit when you’re out of town. That French bulldog of yours was not cheap and she’s currently the love of your life, so you wouldn’t trust her with just anyone. If you let your friend hang with the pup while you’re on vacay, it’s a good sign that you already have confidence in them. “Trust is the most important part of a relationship,” says Walsh. So while your good-looking friend who bails on plans more than half the time and “forgot” to help you move probably wouldn’t be the right match for you, someone who you truly trust may be a great fit for something more. Plus, when a person is not ready to make someone else’s needs a priority, it’s a sign that they’re not quite relationship material, says Orbuch. But if you already know that you can depend on them, that’s a solid base for a long-term relationship and permanent dog sitter (just saying).
He notices when you’re not wearing sweatpants. Even though he doesn’t actually mind that you look like a giant pillow in your sweats, if he notices when you rock a pair of jeans, and mentions it, he could be boyfriend material. We need to hear affirmation in relationships so that we feel special, noticed, and cared for, says Orbuch. However this doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to leave the friend zone, says Orbuch. You should also keep an ear out for him talking about his future, specifically his future including you. For example, if he says that you look amazing in that dress and that you should wear it to his sister’s wedding six months from now, there’s a good chance he’s into you.
Those friendly hugs are starting to linger a little longer. If your goodnight high five has turned into a goodnight hug and that hug is getting progressively longer, there might be some chemistry between you. Whether you’ve always had a crush on them or you’re just starting to realize they’re a catch, feeling excitement and desire is a big part of what being in love is all about, says Greer. So, why is she (or both of you) only giving subtle hints? It could be out of fear of rejection or the risk of losing a friendship, says Orbuch. So keep an eye out for sneaky body language signals, like if she constantly catches your eye in a crowd or touches the small of your back for more than a few seconds. And if you find yourself giving off your usual flirting signals–playing with your hair around her or touching her arm–your body might be trying to tell you something too, says Orbuch.
You vent about your love lives to each other–and almost always agree. When you have the same outlook on relationships, it shows that you share similar values and want the same things in a partnership, says Greer. So if he typically has your back when you vent about dating issues–and vice versa–it could mean that you have the same expectations for a relationship. On the other hand, if you’re constantly thinking, “How could he be such a flake after sleeping with a girl?” or he always says that you jump into things too quickly; you’re probably not on the same page. That said, you may not want to rule them out entirely just yet, says Orbuch. It might mean that he’s just not in that stage of his life yet where he’s ready to commit, or he hasn’t found a woman he wants to commit to.
Here it goes also a few other links: